A writer's journey of strokes and returning to story time.

No news of knuckers, but rain, wind and words upon words.

December 2023 

Hello dear friends

Welcome to my Winter Substack and yes, here you see young Penny in a snow globe, courtesy of my dear friend Steph. Yes, they tried to turn me into the Angel Gabriel once when I was about ten, at dreaded special school,

Apologies for being quiet for a while. Below are the scattered thoughts I've wanted to share with you since September when I went through the first phase of my recovery from multiple strokes.

I do hope you enjoy sharing this unexpected journey.

September 2023

At a plateau of sorts and the reality is no one seems to know what may or may not happen next. I won't lie, it's a tough journey, sometimes because multiple mistakes are made within our sadly attacked NHS. I do hope you're following my Byline Times column which will focus on my experiences in hospital and afterwards in a somewhat confusing approach to rehab.

I have more to learn on a day-by-day basis. Sometimes I'm frightened, particularly with headaches that simply will not go away. Other times I'm frantic, eager to pick up so many neglected, unloved things.  

Most days I’m sleepy but I do watch a lot of films and binge on TV dramas. Occasionally, I go to the seafront.

October 2023

Storm Babette. Hastings is plagued by flooding, but unlike in January 2023 there were no trapped eels in the shopping centre! No secret knuckers! (Sussex water serpents, a new obsession). We are a community that rallies together well but it is sad to see so much flooding to small businesses and people's homes. It conspires even within the drains of our houses. So much water and so much investment needed to repair the sewerage systems. 

I hope you're all doing well after these endless phases of heavy rain and blasting wind, and here on the coast the salve of sunny outbursts. I feel lucky - and happy to know that Hastings holds the record as one of the sunniest places on our coasts. It's true, look it up. 

November 2023

Things are improving overall but it is super slow. And everyone around me has to learn that I am different, which can be a challenge. Changes are sometimes basic and triggered by such an extreme experience. I am now a unique combination of multiple impairments. There’s pain and memory loss, strange tricksy brain failings. However, friends reassure that I am intrinsically me.

Pleasing thoughts. The little things that count in recovery:

• House sparrows and their peculiar squabbles in my minuscule garden

• Friends - near and far. Bringing me back, saving me

• Family - pulling through for me. Up from Devon, and over from Canada.

• Writing haiku and trying to learn ghazals. While working on my Hastings novel, setting out scenes and structure.

• My collared doves have recently returned to the bird feeders. And now, juvenile starlings, first time seen! Handsome cheeky beasts.

***

How many of you know I am an avid crafter? I can no longer knit or crochet, and overwhelming changes in energy and pain mean my window of activity is tiny. But I adore paper crafts such as decoupage and recently took up junk journalling. Organising pretty papers, vintage stamps, tatty vintage poetry books and shabby old maps into something new and intriguing keeps me occupied. I also managed to make a few of my seasonal cards.

I remain delicate, although I am writing and that is another boost.  

I manage little bits throughout the week and I'm trying to keep stuff turning over that sits in my back catalogue if you like, gathering a bit of dust as I await opportunities to publish. Offers, come to me, arms open. Don’t be scared.

December 2023

Delighted I received a literary grant that I like to call my stipend, which has allowed me to buy a new phone and equipment to take voice dictation to another level. It has changed how I work considerably.

I'm pleased to announce I won an award! Advantages of Age have made me Disability Activist of 2023. A privilege and a huge, huge lift.

There have been a few lifts up. Another friend spotted that Desires Reborn (ebook, short story collection) was a book of the day last week on Amazon. Byline Times is now available as a magazine, nestling beside the likes of Private Eye - buy in WH Smiths, M&S and Waitrose. Yes, I am proud.

Another positive is that I've passed the halfway mark of my new novel with 40k words. I'm thrilled, frustrated only by my lack of energy which limits the speed at which I can do more.

I yearn to take every chance I can to seek opportunities for my work to be published, seen, read, and produced. If any of you can help me with this in any way please do get in touch. I'm experienced with a solid CV, but I also know there is still a nervousness about disability within fiction. Perhaps I need a manager as well? I'm eager to know your thoughts and suggestions. And, I have to say this, I’m acutely aware, since my critical illness, that I do not have the privilege to take time and talent for granted.

Let’s talk, share ideas and do enter the heart of my work as a writer, a storyteller. As actor Liz Carr says about me - much to my joy, and emblazoned on the cover of First in the World Somewhere: "Penny Pepper. A voice like no other."

I don't believe many realise how much work I have that has not been published. That waits. I never set out to be a journalist or a commentator, and while I value that work, particularly with Byline Times, I admit my heart is elsewhere. At least ten stories are ready for publication if I knew where to send them. Again. And again.

My novel Nancy Jones and the Show of Wonders languishes in backlogs and unresponsiveness. Maybe fear.

I'm lucky to have a marvellous agent but many extra barriers are faced when you’re a disabled creative. Yet… to my last breath and all that. My stories will be told and read.

23rd December 2023

There you have it as I’m poised to post. I may need you all to be a little patient as I can no longer directly contact you independently - and individually. 

While I'm underwhelmed by the worst consumerism and hypocrisy of the season, I do like to absorb the changes in nature and the Winter Solstice. The light is returning, we all need to remember that,

And here I am. So far the light returns for me.

And for you all, I hope, and into a new year that brings peace and health, compassion and joy.

With love and thanks

Penny x